intro to Independence and Adulthood

I have always dreamt of independence.

having my own place. riding my own car, paying for all my bills, with my hard earned money.

and i got a taste of it lately.

well, no. i haven't been able to buy my own place. *that coveted studio apartement that have existed in my imagination since i was in junior high.*

but i got the house all for my self. *everybody else was out of town*

and no, i haven't bought my own car. *that red lancer that has been racing in my mind*

but the Mazda MR90 is for me to use. *so in a sense, it's "mine"*

using the money i earned, i paid and cooked for my own food. *the cooking part weren't that succesful*

and i paid for the gas and oil change and the minor repairs of the car. *haven't had enough dough for the big repairs*

i wasn't left with the house long enough to pay the bills. but i was ready to.

i also gave some money for my little brother, and paid for his food.

all in all, in a way, i was playing "grown-up".

it seemed pretty cool in general. that satisfying feeling of control and self-fulfillment.

but when i was too tired and fell sick because of all the work and play activities that i did, it wasn't so nice. i didn't have anybody to take care of me. no one to ask me how i was, no one to find me my meals. no one to remind me to take my medicine. and when i feel too tired to go to work, i still have to go. cause i don't want to lose my job. i have bills to pay.

and i start to wonder, whether adulthood would really be that way.