what! another new layout?

i got home at around 5 in the morning. turned to computer on and then fell asleep. i read news about Farah Fawcett's death before i slept. and i was waken up by a series of birthday greetings and to my surprise, news about Michael Jackson's death. and now i can't escape Him. don't get me wrong. I'm sad. but waking up with a headache to find the internet full of song titles and lyrics posted everywhere as tribute to the King of Pop is kind of annoying. i'm going back to bed.

i'm no donkey

for only a donkey would fall into the same hole twice...

but then again, as it is, the signs are showing that maybe i am a donkey.

WAIT! before i confuse you any longer, let me give you a condensed version of the background of the situation. 

on june the 18th, 2009 my contract with my former company expired. despite the fact that i wanted to continue my employment there, i was not willing to stay as an intern. and due to the usual administrative problems, right now i am unemployed. 

NO, i'm not gonna whine about being unemployed. after going back to my old posts during my unemployment days, (and believe me it was a long period) i realized how pathetic i would be if i start whining again now. 

so i made up my mind that 

1. i would try with all my might not to whine about it.

2. i will try and get an even better job

3. i will do all those things that i've been meaning to do all along but didn't have the time to. (e.g work on my blog, clean up my room, etc)

4. i won't waste my time

and the way everything's going right now it seems that i am slowly slipping towards that good old familiar hole. up until this night i have not achieved anything important to me. no applications sent, my room is getting messier, and, had i only taken the time to make one, a to-do list that's longer than my desperately-needing-a-haircut hair. 

and the list actually gets longer and longer with each passing moments, since the more free time i get, the more "project ideas" i come up with. all i've been doing these past couple of days is.. mostly wasting my time with sleeping and looking for trivial stuff on the net. sounds like a dejavu to me. 

but who am i to let myself fall deeper into the same hole.

as i type i am currently in the process of making a short movie. at least one of my projects is undergoing. i'll  keep you updated with the progresses

the list

things i either plan to buy or wish to have

if i don't make a list i won't be able to acquire them. cause i tend to get distracted.

i need an LBD, simply for the sake of honoring people. i can't always show up in a jeans and a t-shirt.

i need a note book. doesn't have to be the black mac book, but i prefer something powerful enough to run graphic softwares

i need a wristwatch, preferably a sporty metal-chain that's not too big. the female version of a men's chronograph. i hope i can find one that glows in the dark and shock&water resistant.

money. that way i can save and invest

a portable game console. so i can take the fun everywhere. doesn't have to be PSP. happy enough with GBA

a ball head tripod. much needed.

an alarm clock... cause i find it hard to wake up. i sleep too much

i need a gym membership. so that i'll be forced to work out. i'm getting flabby

i need a smart phone. preferably touchscreen, but having a qwerty also helps. i need my phone to act as an organizer and a browser.

an external hard disk, to save all those photos.

i need some perfume. the eternity summer was broken by the maid.

a frogeye! so that i can take pictures regardless of the weather

i need a big bookshelf so that i can organize all those books

the G10. for places where they won't allow me to take pictures with a DSLR

a black cardigan, cause it's so versatile.
______________________________________________________

 

more like a sort-medium term target list.

the fifteen-minute ramble

okay, in an effort to reawaken my writing spirit (has it ever been awake?) i will set the countdown timer of my under-used CDMA phone to 15 minutes and force myself to write for the entire 15 minutes. i will try to ignore formal writing conventions and i may even change languages during the course. and i will try not to care. all i have to do is just write-write-write, right...now

okay, i just pressed the start key. i just realised that there is no need for me to rush, this is not about speed, quality, nor quantity. it's just a writing exercise. if i'm not mistaken i read about it somewhere back in college. hey, mom-and-dad, all that tuition money paid-off... i guess. 

well anyway, the reason i'm doing this exercise is to get a writing groove inside of me. i've been abandoning those writing muscles for quite a while... and i kind of want to have a writing skill readily available. i want to establish a blog with quality writing that i churn out frequently. and hey, establishing a credible online personality wouldn't hurt. doesn't have to be big and notorious. i just want at least a small portion of the net to recognize my name. i wonder how hard it would be. hell, i haven't even determined the target and the indicators, how would i know if i'd succeed..? and damn, i really should stop fussing about the small and technical stuff such as plan, strategy and measurement. although they are important, but if i keep waiting till i've developed an ultra-complex plan with minimal chances of failing, i'll never get started.. and this applies to everything in my life!!!! damn... stop planning dee! start doing..

hahahah, i just called myself dee, i haven't done that for a long time. and it seems corny to refer myself as dee, cause people would think that i'm copying dewi lestari. dang..  i really need to stop worrying about what people think. it's inhibiting. i think i'm reminded of the "dee" name because of my brother, when we chat last night, he called me dee. hell, maybe he's been refering to me as dee all this time, but i've never realised it since we mostly talk verbally. i thought he was just callling me "di" hahah. by the way, i dunno if i really should limit my use of the backspace button. i make so many mistakes... good thing this is digital. if it were written on paper you would see a paper covered with lines, crosses, and repairs. well i don't think repair is the correct word.. damn, my english is getting worser and worser. my verbal brain is deteriorating!. what's the word? repair, revise, argh... so tempted to leave this window and open another to find the right word. i was worried that if i did that then i would be distracted. i kind of suspect that i have some mild form of ADD, cause i really find it hard to concentrate. but then again i really shouldn't worry cause the countdown timer had already went off... wow, 15 minutes fly real fast... oh and i just took of to google translate to find the word i was looking for, it's correction. the 15 minutes are already over.. why am i still writing?|

i really should stop cause i realize how boring this might be to all of you (if there's any) readers out there. actually i still have so many things to ramble.. maybe this is what i need to re-organize my thoughts.  ibetter take it offline and do it privately then. but i do hope if there's any body reading this out there, that you find this piece of writing at least somewhat amusing. okay, i'm rambling. better stop and press publish.